i have not been writing stuff in my agenda, so this is a complete obligation.
i found no reservations underneath my mom's endless collection of dvds and i kind of want to watch it. maybe i will, if i get everything on my list done by tonight, which is of course unlikely.
sometimes, the only thing that keeps me sane, really is blogging.
i want to go bungee jumping
i want to eat sour sally all day
i want to read all night
i want to write more stories about josh and chantel, without mathematical equations in my mind.
nine more school days. nine more school days (:

things to do this weekend:
1. study for my math test
2. study for geo mapping
3. finish writing my 2x500 words english essay
4. biology lab report
5. sour sally
6. there's this really important thing which i must do, but i just can't remember.
7. make others happy (:
8. try not to fall a tad bit deeper
9. oh right, the thing i forgot was piano. exam next week, entirely laughable
10. and of course, squeeze in jane eyre somehow. i don't even have time to read anymore :(

i did not get my braces off today.
i have to wait for another month, yet again. :(

sometimes i wonder why love is so unfair.
again, this might be cliche but it's only cliche because its true.
why can't the people we like, like us back?
what is love then, but something fleeting.
first comes the happiness, the butterflies, the nights spent
dreaming about someone, the daze, the jellied hearts, and
then what does this all lead to? nothing and only if you're lucky, something.
it's like sometimes, the people who we think are right, turns out to be wrong.
and that sometimes, even the people we trust, ends up disappointing us.
maybe all i need is faith.
because maybe love isn't something that can be rushed,
and that if it's meant to be, it will happen someday.

please wake me up when you start caring

i want a sunflower for my birthday.
and him smiling his ever goofy smile
i want him to start making lame jokes and somehow expects me to laugh, and i would because no matter how lame they are, they'd always be funny, at least to me.
i want him to listen to everything i say and attempt to comment but i'd stop him as usual and he would try to protest, and we'll end up laughing and laughing until someone stares us down.
i want him to tell me what love is and make it seem like it's tangible and real. because with him i can always count on love being something true, and something that won't ever hurt.
i want him to make fun of me in his clumsy way that it'll often come out wrong and we'll probably end up laughing, a little bit longer.
i want him to wish me happy birthday in his own funny,geeky, dorky, clumsy way- and that will be the most perfect birthday present ever :)

maybe i've been watching a tad bit too many taiwanese dramas, but imagining things never hurts, because sometimes, the ethereal is really the best way out.

lately, i've been in this trance.
and i can't find the way out.
it's like coming in wonderland again,
the semiconscious dreamland,
but this time- it's not a dream no longer, this time it's real :)

the things you do, the clumsy ones, the funny ones, the annoying ones, the sweet ones, the geeky ones, the cool ones, the sad ones- they're the things that make me really like you because there is no one else in this whole wide world that can ever be more youer than you

20. i believe that we are going to happen :)

when a guy smiles at a girl, a real smile, the girl is happy and this happiness always last for a long, long time.
when a guy looks at girl when they're talking, she knows that he cares, and that he will always care, no matter what.
when a guy stops to talk to a girl in the hallways, she knows that he has the time if not is making time for her.
when a guy laughs every time the girl laughs, and smiles when she smiles, she knows that he pays attention to how she feels.
when a guy does all these things, it's hard for the girl to not fall, at least a little bit, in love with him :)

and today's quote is:

”if you judge people, you have no time to love them." – mother teresa

why hate when you can love? love always makes you happier. :)

today was beautiful
if not, perfect
because
you make me really really happy :)

"we shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do" - mother theresa

when you smile, you always make me happy :)
and as long as i keep this all to myself, it will never ever hurt.

apparently, i'm still in the winnie the pooh trance

sunday school was really fun. it was fairly packed today since there was a coloring competition after.
i can't wait 'til next week especially considering the fact that i am planning the games :)
sometimes i get a little bit too excited

and today's quote is
"do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. what we need is to love without getting tired."- mother theresa

i don't know what's making me think this way.
he's a best friend after all.
a best guy friend.
and he'll always be a best guy friend
but i can't help thinking, that maybe all these time
the guy i like,
is him.

17. i want to be the girl you point at and say that's her.
18. i like him because he smiles at me and means it

and the quote of the day:
Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

forgive me for again making a list

top five things that im happy about

1. love. it exists and it took me awhile to know that love is not just one guy but everything else. falling is just one part of it, but when someone falls, the happiness is contagious, and you find yourself laughing and crying with them. which is just the way i like it.
2. food. think ethiopia, and then think about the amount of food on your plate at night.
3. my personal project. it's done, it's really done :)
4. other people's novels, currently making me smile, laugh and cry, and everything else in between
5. friends. one word, irreplaceable.

i promise that this shall be the last list i make.
at least for a little while :)

this girl sat on her bed,
dreaming about love,
and everything it can
and cannot be.

this girl lived in a place,
where love was at arms reach,
and when she would wonder what love is,
or if fairytales were at all possible,
all she had to do was turn around, and there it was
real, existing, right beside her
and then she would be happy.

this girl believe that love exists,
she sees the kisses,
the hugs,
and the incandescent laughter,
this girl believed in a happily ever after,
and that once she finds her prince,
she would be the one with her happily ever after

this girl sat on her bed,
thinking about love,
love is all around her,
but just not in her.
this girl discovered the one and only thing that love cannot be
and that is right now.

but this girl believes that when love comes to her,
everything would be a surprise,
a forever,
if not something just right

and then,
everything would be absolutely perfect.

1. live in paris. call me cliche, but i want to wake up in a room that faces the eiffel tower every morning. i want to be able to run around the endless streets all day and get lost since obviously i don't speak the language. i want everything to seem endless and beautiful at the same time.
2. publish a book. i have one done. well not exactly done since im still continuously adding some stuff, but i really really want to get a book publish. i've always had since i was seven.
3. long hair. i really really want long hair, enough said :) even though it's fairly long now, i want it even longer.
4. go to disney world. i've been to the one in california once, and hong kong twice but that's just it. i really really want to go to disney world, the one in florida, and watch the fireworks at night there. disney fireworks always makes me cry and that's just the way i like it.
5. go to israel with my family. my mom wants to do this, she's been wanting to do it forever. it'll be really cool to walk on where Jesus once walked at.
6. a diary with a lock. all the ones i have, have no locks so sometimes i don't even bother writing since someone might end up reading it. i really really want a pretty one with a lock, but i've never actually gotten one.
7. a party with my sunday school kids. im thinking dufan :)
8. an amazing sweet sixteen with my friends before i leave for melbourne.
9. bungee jumping. ive always wanted to try bungee jumping. i saw someone tried it when i was six at bali but i was to young to try it then. right now, i really really want to do it.
10. sit in the middle of a garden filled with cherry blossoms. i have always loved cherry blossoms, and i really really want to just sit down against a cherry blossom tree and write endlessly.

okay so i didn't have a real conversation with him,
but two words made it seem like something real,
something tangible for once,
a complete change from everything before.
and i keep telling myself over and over that things will turn out okay.
i don't have to be with him for things to be all right.
because even right now,
im having the time of my life,
with my family and besties :)

and all these voices i've been hearing throughout the year,
that keeps on telling me to stay,
it wasn't his.
it was never his.
it was all mine.

16. it's just life so keep on dancing through

i don't hate people,
some just annoys me to one point where i feel like sticking forks in their eye, simply because they delight in being mean.
i mean who would do that when they can be nice?
i just don't get people who can be happy when they know that they're making other people sad.

tomorrow i shall start making thirty plush hearts for my personal project exhibition. the reason as to my making thirty plush hearts is beyond my own understanding.
i just love making hearts :)
and not making any sense after finals

15. SHARE THE LOVE

ducky here,
finals are OVER :)
and im extremely happy.
and to top it off i think i did okay in math!
which makes me again, extremely happy.

despite circumstances beyond my control (the occasional drama queens), i think i'm okay.
and he didn't say good luck,
which means that i can function without him.
im not that broken!

of course, i do still sometimes think about him and what we could have been,
but now im beginning to realize that i do not constantly need him to make things right,
i can make things right myself.
im becoming stronger,
and right now, i know that i won't ever fall again at the sight of love. :)

jess and i made a name for each other.
im ducky
she's little foot
and matt's chomper
from the land before times.
ive always wanted to be ducky.
and of course,

14. it's always nice to pretend

13. when you fall in love they mean the whole wide world to you

finals are tomorrow
starting with chem, bi and humanities last
i'm finishing up my humanities study. i have been studying a lot but im still panicking, again, the ever disturbing thing that comes with being a perfectionist.
i woke up today thinking about how amazing it'll be if he would suddenly text me and say hello, or good luck. although the chances of that happening are actually zero to zero
it would make tomorrow a lot better if it did happen :)
anyways, back to studying.
wish me luck.

finals are on tuesday.
im currently finishing up my humanities study sheet.
and im still in math hysteria :)
in between everything, im finding it hard to sleep.
i have to study, i really have to. and that's what ive been doing these past few days. another reason why i loathe being a perfectionist, even after you're sure that you can do it, you tell yourself that you never could.

oh and im still missing him.
i believe that its not about how long you like someone,
but how much love you have for that person.
and when you really really love someone, you can never let go, because a part of you have been given away.
that's the thing about love. it can never be fleeting, because it'll stay, and with love you can never forget.
you're willing to forgive no matter what.
love lets someone be happy and does not keep for ones self. love shares, and love is willing to sacrifice ones happiness for the sake of another, because thats just how amazing love is.
love is willing to give and not expect anything in return.

please realize how hard this is for me and at least talk to me.
please for once care about what i want
because i don't really want much, just you to still talk to me and understand.
i want the you before everything happened, the you that i trust, and the you that took a part of me away.

i don't need you to love me, not that way. i want you as a friend and as a real friend not one that never talks to me, but one that does talk for a change. one that promises to stay and won't ever leave.

12. when you love someone they stay in your heart forever

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"and being a girl could be about interest rates and skinny jeans, riding bikes and wearing pink. not about any one thing, but everything" - along for the ride, sarah dessen