Wednesday, February 24, 2010
hallo liebe
risk it all, cause i'll catch you if you fall.
wherever you go, if my heart was a house you'd be home.
ich hasse das Madchen sein, das zu stark ist weil niemand uberhaupt weib dass sie verletzt
nicht sogar sie,
moglicherweise it, zutreffendes s, dass ich Sie vergessen muss, aber moglicherwese ich konnen gerade nich. weil moglicherweise ich liebe dich soviel, zu vien und wenn Sie jemand lieben, das viel Sie gerade nich vergessen kann
ich vermisse dich
i still wish every day and night that someday you would understand
just how much i love you
i love you most ardently, 5:16 PM.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
but what about me
don't you care that i still cry over you every night?
do you even know that i still do?
i wish i could stay in bed forever,
and see you in my dreams,
i wish i could sink myself deeper,
into the sounds of your music,
and find you somewhere there
i still wait for your text messages,
i still let myself cry and remember,
because maybe you're worth fighting for
i love you most ardently, 11:06 AM.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
things i wish i could tell you
i fell for you the minute i laid eyes on you
every time you called me love,dear,sayang my heart would skip a beat, or maybe two
i knew that something would happen between us the minute i saw you
i like it when you call me wormy, or claudialaura
i like it when you make fun of me
i like it when you try to stay up at night with me
and
i like it when you always end up sleeping earlier
i wish i had never asked for the truth
i dream about you every night
these dreams are getting darker, and sadder by day
i can be anything you want me to be,
i want to be anything you want me to be
you're everything to me
every time you sent me songs, i would smile and listen to them all night
i still listen to your songs now, they're the only thing i have that reminds me of you, of us
i still read and re read your text messages
i still cry over the sweetness of it all
i miss being the girl who made you smile
you have stolen my heart
but i don't want it back,
because i don't want to give it to anyone else but you.
you didn't break my heart,
you killed it.
i can't let go, i would rather cry all night than let go
it's broken but i know that we can work it out
i always think i would end up with you, eventually
you were the best mistake i've ever made,
the best i've ever had.
i meant it, every time i said i love you
i can't stop stalking you
i love everything you hate about yourself
if you had asked me i would've said yes
because i love you so much,
aren't we meant to be together?
i love you most ardently, 2:19 PM.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
always and forever
it's valentines day tomorrow
and i'm still waiting for you
because i still believe in everything you said,
though you make it seem so hard and impossible,
i will always believe
because i love you, that's the secret,
no hearts, no pretty drawings
no poems, or cryptic messages
i just love you
you were the best mistake i've ever made
happy valentines day to you geek
i love you most ardently, 7:14 PM.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
bitch
life's a bitch. you've got to go out and kick ass.
sometimes i think about what it would be like,
if two years ago i listened to daddy and move to an all girls school,
where science and maths are both taught in indonesian,
where school starts at 6 30 and not 7 00.
where saturdays are also school days.
where we can study some cool foreign language like deutsch or japanese.
maybe right now i would not be crying behind my computer screen,
typing up an entry that would end up going nowhere,
an amass of words,
haphazardly drawn out from the decaying figments of imagination,
for i have come to a point in reality where fantasies are no longer extant,
where life is indeed,
a bitch,
and we arduously kick ass just to make it through.
maybe right now i would still believe in the naivety of happily ever afters,
of pink daisies on valentines day,
of wearing polka dotted sundresses when it's raining,
rather than hiding myself in oversized black overalls,
even when it's hot
maybe right now,
i would be hiding behind thick piles of textbooks,
instead of waiting for the clock to strike midnight,
before really starting on my homework,
because insomnia is like cancer,
it's lethal,
it slowly kills.
maybe right now,
i would not be thinking about you,
or him,
or how you both made my life so much worse,
how i thought you were my escapade from him,
how i saw you and thought,
this could be something,
but you ended up as nothing, not even, anything.
maybe right now,
i would not be the girl i am,
the girl,
who stopped believing in happily ever afters,
the girl,
who finds it hard to be honest, with everyone around me,
the girl,
who is too strong that no one ever knows that she is slowly dying inside.
maybe i would be someone different, tickled pink, on top of the moon, happy.
but life's a bitch, and we have to learn how to just keep on dancing through.
i love you most ardently, 1:06 PM.
