Tuesday, March 30, 2010

this crazy girl

i am a contradiction,

i do not make sense.

i find happiness in surreal and intangible imaginations

and a seventh heaven

while holding my phone waiting for a text message that won't ever come.

i smile when i dream about you,

i may have schizophrenia because i realize that i am just not able to separate these dreams from reality.

i feel impartial to forgetting,

because i understand that forgetting is just never that easy.

i am like a little girl,

too naive to ever understand how you could forget and leave me that fast,

but i am willing to listen to you,

and let you teach me; and that has to count for something, if not, anything.

i do not have insomnia anymore,

because as formidable as it may seem,

i am slowly healing,

and recuperating from the scars i got when i fell.

i will try to do the impossible,

and let myself remember,

because maybe tomorrow, or some other time after,

doing that will help learn how to forget.

just give me time and i'll get over you.

but you have to understand and always remember

that this crazy girl loves you

i love you most ardently, 8:57 PM.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

is this enough

i hate being the girl who is too strong, that no one knows she's hurting deeply.
i hate being the girl who tries so hard to always be happy,
that she hurts herself in the end.

do i have to say i love you in all the languages of the world
just to let you know how much i still love you?
do i have to learn how to play all your favorite songs in the guitar
just to make you realize how much i still think about you?
do i have to read and re read your text messages at night
just to show you how much i still care about you?

do i have to skip dinners to cry in my room,
draw pictures in black and white,
lock myself at home on saturday nights,
write a million blog entries which you won't ever read,
lie to everyone, even the people i love, that i am okay,
that everything will be fine,
and cut myself
just to find something that hurts more than thinking about you.

is this enough?
is anything ever enough for you?

i love you most ardently, 7:18 PM.

Monday, March 22, 2010

higher than la tour eiffel

standing 324 meters high,

stretching at around 100 meters long,

taking approximately two years to build,

and made completely of pure iron,

is the eiffel tower.

standing at limitless heights,

stretching at incomprehensible lengths,

exceeding all numerical values,

taking a lifetime to build,

and made of pure imagination,

are my dreams.

both real

both irrevocably beautiful

and when i close my eyes at night,

and let myself dream,

i find myself entrenched in a paradise

which like the eiffel tower,

lit up by more than 350 sodium vapor lights,

twinkles, incandescently luminous,

and surrounded by the most beautiful things in the world,

things which are all,

my own.

how high am i dreaming?

i dream as high as infinity gets

i love you most ardently, 5:07 PM.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

je aime paris

when i was little i wanted barbies because they wear the prettiest clothes,

now i just want the pretty clothes,

when i was little i wanted books because they have colorful pictures of beautiful princesses inside,

now i just want books.

the only thing i've wanted as child and still do want now

is paris

because vicariously speaking,

there can never be a place as beautiful and magical as paris

someday i hope to be able to run towards the eiffel tower and climb to it's peak

using stairs and not the lift,

someday i wish the perfect guy would kiss me right in front of it

someday i wish i could sit on a bench facing it at night and immerse myself within the twinkling lights, alluring melodies of the accordion, and the parsimonious scent of jardine's crescent.

i want to go to the city of light and be blinded by the luminescent colors,

i want to go to the city of fashion and taste the sweetness of vogue

i want to go to the city of love and feel love amidst romantics, like never before

i want to go to paris. i want to go to paris so much.

je aime paris

i love you most ardently, 9:22 PM.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

my last letter to you

it's a damn cold night,
and i know you're somewhere out there,
thinking the exact same thing,
as you sit in the cold behind your physics textbook,
trying to make sense of the continuum hypothesis,
you feel inexorably cold

it's a damn cold night,
i know we can never be together,
i know that you don't think about me any more,
that i was nothing but a mere transient hiatus,
and that you feel cold because of her,
because only she can make you warm,
but i also know,
that i can't forget you
and that has to count for something, if not, anything,
doesn't it?

it's a damn cold night,
and memories starts to freeze,
to a complete frost,
unmoving, unchanging,
always there.

it's a damn cold night,
and memories will stay,
though i know that i can now finally be able to leave,
because i know you're happy,
though you may be cold,
i know that the stars above you sing her name,
your inbox is filled with her love,
her voice was the soundtrack of your summer,
and you feel warmth
the kind i can never give to you,
and now it's my turn to find warmth
somewhere else

it's a damn cold night,
and i'm trying to figure out this life,
won't you
take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
i don't know who you are,
not anymore,
but i'm always,
and i'll always be with you

thank you for taking me somewhere new,
thank you for taking me to a place i've never been before,

thank you for telling me,
that i can be much stronger than i think
thank you for making me better

i love you most ardently, 6:14 PM.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

works of magic

you cut me and broke me, and you made be better

you are like a drug,

and you worked your magic,

by bringing me up

but like a drug,

your magic runs out,

and i fall down,

with you no longer there to extend your hand,

and pull me up

you are like a drug,

but i've learnt how to live without you

because life is not about how strong i am on the ground,

but rather,

how strong i am able to stand up by myself

and continue living, laughing, and loving,

even more than before

i am grateful that you have taught me how to heal by myself,

and brought magic nevertheless,

coloring my days with so many butterflies,

and teaching me more than i could've ever taught myself in a lifetime,

because right now,

i can finally let myself remember you

because it just doesn't hurt anymore.

i love you most ardently, 8:32 PM.