Friday, July 24, 2009
in my dreams, i am always flying
everyone has been asking me what i want for my birthday lately, and truth be told, i don't really mind. (: anything and just about anything will make me happy. i want all my friends to come to my birthday party, and have the most amazing party ever, since it's my last one with my friends before i leave for melbourne :(
but then there's something else i want, something which no one can ever give except him, and yet when has he ever cared. it's like wishing for something that can never ever happen, like wishing that someday i might be able to fly, defying all laws of gravity, even though deep down i know that i can never fly, no matter how hard or much i wish. but then, if all things ethereal is what i have left of him, then i'll always hold on to it, even if it's non existent, and never let it go.
the list goes on from the easiest to the hardest, if not impossible, and even though none of it would happen, that im sure, pretending that he's there never hurts especially when i'm missing him so so much, like right now.
1. i want him to wish me happy birthday. he didn't do this last year, and i stayed up late on my birthday, despite there being school tomorrow, to see him turn up on msn and say happy birthday, but he didn't. this year i want him to wish me, i really do. even if it's just a happy birthday. even if he doesn't spell out all the letters of birthday, i wouldn't care, because at least i'll know that he cared.
2. i want him to apologize and really mean it this time because when you apologize and then go back to not talking, that doesn't mean anything and the person who tried so hard in letting herself forgive, even after being hurt, trampled on, backstabbed right in front of her face for six months, ends up getting hurt, if not again. i want him to promise me that everything will be okay, and this time not end up breaking his promise. i want things to be back to the way it used to be, before the end of summer, back to when we were friends, and nothing else. back to when he made me laugh, smile, and talk endlessly. back before any of the things that should not happen, happened.
3. i want him to come to my birthday party. i want him to hug me and say happy birthday, like everyone else, and then sit down and start talking to me like old times. i want him to again, make me laugh with his jokes, that never makes sense but are funny anyways. i want him to talk and make me listen intently to everything he has got to say. i want things in the pass to seem like they never happen, and us to be able to talk, without something in our way. i want him to clumsily pour tomato sauce on the table or wipe his mouth with a leaf even though there's a tissue in front of him, because those are the things that make you, you and the you that i fell in love with.
4. i want him to take me somewhere and watch batman the dark night with him. last year, we were going to go together, but we didn't and ever since then, i've still been waiting for him to watch it with me. i haven't watch it, and i will never watch it unless its with him. i want that saturday that never ended up coming, to finally come.
5. i want him to text me at night like he did this time of the year, last year and say i love you claudia, and this time i really mean it.
and that will be the most perfect birthday ever.
everyone has been asking me what i want for my birthday lately, and truth be told, i don't really mind. (: anything and just about anything will make me happy. i want all my friends to come to my birthday party, and have the most amazing party ever, since it's my last one with my friends before i leave for melbourne :(
but then there's something else i want, something which no one can ever give except him, and yet when has he ever cared. it's like wishing for something that can never ever happen, like wishing that someday i might be able to fly, defying all laws of gravity, even though deep down i know that i can never fly, no matter how hard or much i wish. but then, if all things ethereal is what i have left of him, then i'll always hold on to it, even if it's non existent, and never let it go.
the list goes on from the easiest to the hardest, if not impossible, and even though none of it would happen, that im sure, pretending that he's there never hurts especially when i'm missing him so so much, like right now.
1. i want him to wish me happy birthday. he didn't do this last year, and i stayed up late on my birthday, despite there being school tomorrow, to see him turn up on msn and say happy birthday, but he didn't. this year i want him to wish me, i really do. even if it's just a happy birthday. even if he doesn't spell out all the letters of birthday, i wouldn't care, because at least i'll know that he cared.
2. i want him to apologize and really mean it this time because when you apologize and then go back to not talking, that doesn't mean anything and the person who tried so hard in letting herself forgive, even after being hurt, trampled on, backstabbed right in front of her face for six months, ends up getting hurt, if not again. i want him to promise me that everything will be okay, and this time not end up breaking his promise. i want things to be back to the way it used to be, before the end of summer, back to when we were friends, and nothing else. back to when he made me laugh, smile, and talk endlessly. back before any of the things that should not happen, happened.
3. i want him to come to my birthday party. i want him to hug me and say happy birthday, like everyone else, and then sit down and start talking to me like old times. i want him to again, make me laugh with his jokes, that never makes sense but are funny anyways. i want him to talk and make me listen intently to everything he has got to say. i want things in the pass to seem like they never happen, and us to be able to talk, without something in our way. i want him to clumsily pour tomato sauce on the table or wipe his mouth with a leaf even though there's a tissue in front of him, because those are the things that make you, you and the you that i fell in love with.
4. i want him to take me somewhere and watch batman the dark night with him. last year, we were going to go together, but we didn't and ever since then, i've still been waiting for him to watch it with me. i haven't watch it, and i will never watch it unless its with him. i want that saturday that never ended up coming, to finally come.
5. i want him to text me at night like he did this time of the year, last year and say i love you claudia, and this time i really mean it.
and that will be the most perfect birthday ever.
i love you most ardently, 8:46 PM.
