i let myself sink deeper,
into this pool of silent despair,
feeling enervated
by excessive cliches,
stories with no end,
and tainted, vacillating feelings.

i want to be the girl behind the camera lens,
who takes pictures of all the happy moments in time,
so when sadness comes and take over,
i will have tangible memories, that make me smile.

i am tired of scouring my mind,
for memories and making them real,
for figments within imagination,
shows indifference to desires

i am tired of suffocating
from the infinite fumes of sighs,
and the hundred different paradoxes of reality
i am tired of not being able to trust,
who you really are,
what you really feel,
perhaps because you are just never there

sometimes all i want is for you to say i like you and mean it, and make me know that it is real, in strange, oblique, unfathomable ways.
because every time i say i like you, i always say the truth.

i want to be the girl behind the camera lens,
who takes pictures of these magical moments,
of dancing in the moonlight,
of i love you more fights,
of falling in love,
so i can always remember, and smile,
when you're just not there.