Sunday, February 7, 2010
bitch
life's a bitch. you've got to go out and kick ass.
sometimes i think about what it would be like,
if two years ago i listened to daddy and move to an all girls school,
where science and maths are both taught in indonesian,
where school starts at 6 30 and not 7 00.
where saturdays are also school days.
where we can study some cool foreign language like deutsch or japanese.
maybe right now i would not be crying behind my computer screen,
typing up an entry that would end up going nowhere,
an amass of words,
haphazardly drawn out from the decaying figments of imagination,
for i have come to a point in reality where fantasies are no longer extant,
where life is indeed,
a bitch,
and we arduously kick ass just to make it through.
maybe right now i would still believe in the naivety of happily ever afters,
of pink daisies on valentines day,
of wearing polka dotted sundresses when it's raining,
rather than hiding myself in oversized black overalls,
even when it's hot
maybe right now,
i would be hiding behind thick piles of textbooks,
instead of waiting for the clock to strike midnight,
before really starting on my homework,
because insomnia is like cancer,
it's lethal,
it slowly kills.
maybe right now,
i would not be thinking about you,
or him,
or how you both made my life so much worse,
how i thought you were my escapade from him,
how i saw you and thought,
this could be something,
but you ended up as nothing, not even, anything.
maybe right now,
i would not be the girl i am,
the girl,
who stopped believing in happily ever afters,
the girl,
who finds it hard to be honest, with everyone around me,
the girl,
who is too strong that no one ever knows that she is slowly dying inside.
maybe i would be someone different, tickled pink, on top of the moon, happy.
but life's a bitch, and we have to learn how to just keep on dancing through.
i love you most ardently, 1:06 PM.
